Bridging Worlds Volunteer Journals

Lily Ray Online Journal
Lily Ray North Carolina, USA Afghan Women's Network - Kabul, Afghanistan

Week 3

Well, I have finally found housing. I am living with an American woman who first came to Afghanistan in the Peace Corps in the 1970s. I am lucky to have found an arrangement, because many people who come to work here take months to find something suitable. It is up on a hill, and I can see the city of Kabul spreading out beneath us. It is an ancient city, although it has been drastically damaged lately. Some parts remain untouched or have been rebuilt, and in those places it is hard to tell there were 25 years of war. The other day I walked with a friend over the hill behind my house. On our side, decently nice houses are filled with fairly prosperous families. As we go up the hill, the running water and car road ends, and it is just footpaths winding through mud houses. It is amazing to think that large families live up here, and carry up all the water they need by foot. Then, we cross the top, and everything is destroyed. The houses here have been hit by rockets and bombs, and every last one is destroyed. There is rubble everywhere. We pick our way down the hill, amazed at the desolation. The worst is when we get to the bottom. There, a road runs by and there are cars and shops. However, the light posts along the road are riddled with thousands of bullet holes. Somehow, this is what really gets to me. All those bullets. I can't imagine anyone surviving in air filled with so many bullets. There are bullet holes EVERYWHERE.

At work, there are drivers and doormen. I have been told that one of the doormen used to be a mujohid. He is a kind man, always willing to talk to me or to help me. It is not unusual, in a country that has seen this much war many people have fought for one side or the other. Another day, I am riding with one of the drivers. I ask him if it is hard to maneuver in the crazy Kabul traffic, and he tells me no. This is nothing, he says, he used to drive a tank. He drove a tank for the Afghan communist government of Najibullah, which eventually fell to the mujohidin. I ask him if he and the doorman were basically on opposite sides, and he says yes. Is that hard to work together now? I ask, and he says, no, we don't have problems with each other now. He says that now the people who fought on different sides don't really have anything against each other. In their case, it seems to be true, as I see them talking or touching each other playfully, getting along well.

I had heard much about Afghan decency and kindness, and slowly I am beginning to see it myself. Shopkeepers can be very kind, and so can taxi drivers. One taxi driver, after driving me, tells me that I do not need to pay, because I am a guest in Afghanistan. Of course I do pay him, but it was a nice gesture. Another day, a taxi driver takes me through an old neighborhood, pointing out the tandoors and ancient mosques, just so I can see something on the way to work. Best of all, when I go to a village near Kabul, the taxi driver offers to let me drive some. It is an empty dirt road, so I take up his offer. In Afghanistan, women do not drive much at all, and they really don't drive taxis. Foreigners may drive, but they drive aid vehicles, not taxis. So when men along the road see this foreign woman driving a taxi, they fall over laughing. Soon I am laughing too, as is the taxi driver, who is almost falling out of his seat. It's too bad you can't drive in the city, he says, we could get rich. Everyone would take our taxi. We laugh even more at this idea, me getting rich as a taxi driver with him as navigator, but of course I hand over the wheel when we get to the main road.

As money here is tight, I took a night job as a cashier at a foreign owed restaurant in order to help pay the bills. It went well for a while, the boss was nice, the customers nice, and the Afghan coworkers nice. However, there was one Afghan boy who grew up in the US, and just came back. He was basically an American, because he had always lived there. He was the manager in charge of all the Afghan employees, and also needed to train me. He was drunk, and he kept trying to touch me. The Afghan boys were all embarrassed, and they would tell me they were sorry. Each time I would snap at him or slap his hand away. I could fend him off, but I knew I couldn't come back. When we got the ride home after work(most jobs provide transportation because it is so difficult here) , he tried to share the front seat with me. I absolutely refused, and closed the door. He got really angry and started threatening me. All the Afghan boys gathered around him, and wouldn't let him touch me or talk to me. This was at a big risk to themselves, because he was their manager and I know that they all needed their jobs. However, they all protected me. They got him in the back seat, and then they all started singing to cover up the things he was saying, so I wouldn't hear or be scared. So we went home in a van full of Afghan songs, covering up all the tension. I never went back to the restaurant, but I won't forget the kindness of all the boys who protected me from their manager, at risk to themselves. When I leave Afghanistan, I will remember most these kinds of shows of kindness and consideration.

Week 2

Well, it is my second week in Kabul, and I have yet to find a permanent place to live. I spend my second week staying in a house owned by the University of Nebraska, as they graciously agreed to host me because I am working as a volunteer for Afghanistan. However, they have a delegation coming this week, so I am following up on a different lead. Housing in such a big problem here in Kabul, many people who work here live away from their families, because they cannot find a place in Kabul for their families to live. Many families have staying in Pakistan or in the provinces, and are supported by one person who works in Kabul and sleeps perhaps in their workplace. It is becoming clear that Afghanistan is a place where a Jagriti volunteer needs to be ready to spend a lot of money, $800 a month at least, just in order to have a place to live. All other foreigners are here with high paying international organizations(thousands per month), and people expect a foreigner to be able to spend a lot of money.

It is interesting, the different perspectives people have on the situation. Most of the people who have recently returned from neighboring countries are having a lot of trouble adjusting to Kabul. They worry a lot about the security, which they say is very bad, and find the danger stressful. It is a lot harder for women and children to move about. In contrast, those who stayed in Kabul through all the years of war talk about how calm it is now. One of the men who works at the University guest house loves to tell me about all the crazy things he saw during all the years of war. People shooting from trees, dead bodies piled in the parks, bombings, and most recently, the cruise missiles and smart bombs from the Americans. Apparently one hit and destroyed the house next door, but it had been aiming for the police station. He laughs at the idea that the situation is difficult now. His house was bombed twice, he was held and even beaten by the Taliban, and he ended up in jail in Iran because he was Afghan. Two of his brothers died fighting. So now, he says, it is good. He says he doesn't mind the American soldiers here, because that means he doesn't have to be a soldier.

To me, it is disconcerting to see the American driving around in huge tanks and armored cars, but some people really appreciate the stability. Others have expressed a lot of frustration and resentment. Apparently the bombing of the American campaign were far worse that any of the other stages of the war. Many feel that the destruction was excessive, and that too much force was used. People are glad that the Taliban is gone and that there is stability, but no one appreciates the price. A lot of people died and a lot of property was destroyed. Because of that, many still feel uncomfortable around the US soldiers, or they are afraid. There are also complaints about the reconstruction teams, where US soldiers rebuild schools and hospitals in rural areas. Many feel that the money would be better spent employing locals to do the work. The money would go a lot further, and if people could get decent jobs in the regions, that would go a long way towards stability and prosperity.

In September, there will be elections, and AWN is working to train women on registering to vote and voting. I got to sit in on one of these workshops, where I learned about the election system. Many women's organizations are working to increase women's participation in political, and in particular to get women to vote. This will be the first election help in Afghanistan, so it is a huge effort to get people registered to vote. However, many feel that it is just a show. Since Bush is doing so badly in Iraq, a "first ever free democratic election" in Afghanistan would be quite the political coup. However, elections are causing a lot of security problems. A lot of groups are stepping up their action before the elections, in order to make a show of strength. This is making life difficult for everyone. And people agree that the elections are mostly a show, because Karzai is the only one who stands a chance of winning, and most people haven't registered to vote anyway. Regardless, people are having lots of interesting discussions on the constitution, the role of religion in democracy, the ways women can participate in politics, and the proper way to carry out an election. Afghans are amazing public speakers, extremely eloquent. Of course, Persian speakers have such a long history of scholarship that it is not surprising. Every night on TV we watch the different debates, and even though I don't understand a lot it is very interesting to hear people's thoughts. Many people, even in the public debates, agree that it is too soon to hold elections. It will take a lot longer to build stability, and even just to register voters. Many feel that the rush is so that the elections will be right before the US's November elections.

May 31, 2004

I arrived in Kabul on Thursday, May 20, on an Ariana flight from Dushanbe, at almost 7 in the evening. My flight should have come in by 11 am, but Commander Ismael Khan, who is also the Governor of Herat, decided to borrow the airplane, and the airline couldn't run our flight until after they had seen to him. Once we finally arrived, my first impression was surprise at the crowds of people, cars, shops, and vendors. News media images mostly give impressions of Afghanistan as a devastated and desolate place, which perhaps it might have been under the Taliban. Now Kabul is bursting with people and commerce, largely because neighboring countries are terminating people's refugee status. Afghans who lived for years in Iran, Tajikistan, and Pakistan are pouring back into the country, and Kabul is really the safest place to go. It also offers the best facilities when it comes to schools and medicine. This has resulted in a huge shortage of living space, and housing prices are astronomical. It has also resulted in an interesting population, with a huge percentage of citizens that grew up in other countries.

For my first week, I stayed at the office of AWN, where I am volunteering, with the idea of finding another place to stay as soon as possible. However, almost every lead fell through. Most foreigners stay in guest houses, which at their cheapest cost $800/ month, which is far out of my price range. I had hoped to live with an Afghan family, but so far this has also not worked out. Some worry about security, and others are simply living in homes that are already filled to capacity. Finding a place to rent has also not worked, and most foreigners' houses are also filled to capacity. Living and working in the same place has proved overwhelming, because right now it is hard to get around Kabul without a private vehicle. Taxis are not considered safe for a woman to take alone, and the bus system is hopelessly confusing. So I basically spent my first week stuck in a building, and for the first few days I wasn't even allowed in the street alone. I watched from the window as men in the street pulled carts, herded goats, and peed on the opposite wall, and I desperately wished I could also be out there herding goats and peeing on the wall. After a few days, I realized that there were plenty of women coming and going, so I also started venturing out, to the initial horror of my hosts. It is sad to say that the highlight of my first week was walking to the corner and buying half a kilo of tomatoes. I think that under the Taliban I would have been a complete failure, and would have thrown myself out the window within a month. Some of the women I met who came back from Tajikistan have also expressed frustration at the comparative lack of freedom, but at least now it is possible for women to come and go in the streets without too many problems. The real problem is if you want to go somewhere that is not walking distance, and you don't have someone to share a taxi.

Work has fortunately been a very good experience. Most of the staff of the Afghan Women's Network are, unsurprisingly, women, and it is the first time in my life that I get to be in a female dominated environment. I like it a lot, it is amazing the difference it makes to be surrounded with lots of women who lead and direct their own work.

Everyone here is highly capable, I am amazed at the efficiency with which everyone works. Most of my coworkers speak multiple languages, and have a wide variety of skills. AWN conducts trainings about the upcoming election, and also on gender issues and conflict resolution. They do a lot of high level coordination between local women's NGO's, the Afghan government, and the UN and international organizations. The staff members are kind and welcoming, and the office atmosphere is friendly and family-like. Along with registering groups with Jagriti International and organizing the summer Bridging Worlds conference, I am also to teach the staff English, and will edit documents in English. If I can get it started, I will also teach a class on proposal writing, and will compile a newsletter.